Closing down temporarily. I'll be away for a few weeks.
I thought you might be interested in a look at Gyronny Books. Over the next weeks or months I'll be publishing news snippets and information about our devoted staff and employees.
I'll start with our HQ
Gyronny Books HQ. Set in the hinterlands of deepest Essex it's remote location makes it difficult for staff to leave for better paid employment. We like to look after our workforce and think they would only end up sad and disappointed being elsewhere. It's for their own good, we are commited to their welfare, despite the inconvenience this causes us.
Our MD
The Right Honourable Stanley Wincanton Strawpuddle Milwall
Our MD is a well known sportsman in County circles and enjoys a splendid variety of leisure activities.
A keen musician here he is contemplating abandoning the bass and having a fiddle instead.
Enjoying a threesome on the billiard table with his lady wife and her gamekeeper.
A keen cricketer he once scored 12 runs for his house team's 3rd XI. He paid 32 guineas to have a brass plaque made and ftted over the door to the school changing rooms to commemorate this feat.
A shooting party held in his back garden with Sir Piffle Leamington and Lady Leamington, a close friend of Stanley. In the background are Lady Leamington's gamekeeper John Thomas Smellors and his son Percy.
Sir Piffle and Lady Piffle were somewhat confused and thought they were going for a round of golf
Sir Piffle and Lady Piffle were somewhat confused and thought they were going for a round of golf
Seen here in younger days with his close friend Ethelgiva Toothsome Dungeness, younger daughter of the Earl of Lower Bedwishing. Note his revolutionary double racquet, later banned from competitive tennis for it's tendency to separate on the backhand volley and fly off into the stands.
This was the incident that ended Stanley's tenure as Master of Hounds and indirectly led to his founding the Pindrop Fish Hunt.
After several hours bouncing up and down in the saddle he dismounted to examine his mount's fetlock. Unfortunately his control lapsed and allowed the emission of a loud and nauseous amount of air. Seconds after this photograph was taken, the six hounds nearest to him collapsed, their keen noses ruined, and their hunting days over. The three horses and two companions were forced to give up hunting for several months. Normally this would have been unnoticed, but some action had to be taken after a complaint from the Dowager Duchess of Upping Magma on Sea. Stanley never held membership of a Hunt again.
After several hours bouncing up and down in the saddle he dismounted to examine his mount's fetlock. Unfortunately his control lapsed and allowed the emission of a loud and nauseous amount of air. Seconds after this photograph was taken, the six hounds nearest to him collapsed, their keen noses ruined, and their hunting days over. The three horses and two companions were forced to give up hunting for several months. Normally this would have been unnoticed, but some action had to be taken after a complaint from the Dowager Duchess of Upping Magma on Sea. Stanley never held membership of a Hunt again.
A keen fisherman and hunt follower Stanley thought that combining the two would give a perfect sport. He formed the Pindrop Fish Hunt and this is a photograph of their first and last meet. Tally for the day was five drowned hounds, 3 cases of pneumonia and a broken ankle for the Hunt Master. Fish caught nil.
Gyronny Books. MD's Office.
Stanley's office.
He would have preferred a more austere room, but the workforce (under the guidance of Colonel Muncher) insisted on something to reflect the status of Gyronny Books, and after subscribing 15% of their wages over 2 years Stanley felt he had no choice but to accept their generosity.
He would have preferred a more austere room, but the workforce (under the guidance of Colonel Muncher) insisted on something to reflect the status of Gyronny Books, and after subscribing 15% of their wages over 2 years Stanley felt he had no choice but to accept their generosity.
Stock room.
Because of an unfortunate incident with the Stock room staff the book stock has remained unsorted for some years.* Sales staff searching for books ordered are notoriously unaware of the need for a systematic approach to shelving and tend to rummage in the pile and discard anything unwanted haphazardly.
*The stock room staff walked out en masse when the then manager Petronella Withering was discovered to be a woman. The all male employees went on strike, but nobody noticed for 3 years. By that time the stock room was as you now see it. Union rules forbid employing new staff while an unresolved dispute exists.
Because of an unfortunate incident with the Stock room staff the book stock has remained unsorted for some years.* Sales staff searching for books ordered are notoriously unaware of the need for a systematic approach to shelving and tend to rummage in the pile and discard anything unwanted haphazardly.
*The stock room staff walked out en masse when the then manager Petronella Withering was discovered to be a woman. The all male employees went on strike, but nobody noticed for 3 years. By that time the stock room was as you now see it. Union rules forbid employing new staff while an unresolved dispute exists.
Unsold stock.
This room holds the surplus of "The Nietzschian Philosophy and it's relevance to the Lost Tribes of Patagonia with special reference to the 1904 Earthquakes". Published by Gyronny Books 1978. 232pp. £89.99.
Marketing held a special meeting in the Hospitality Suite of The Slaughterman's Arms to discuss this proposed volume and after deliberating for several days decided this would be a best seller. A very large print run was ordered but strangely failed to hit the charts.
.
This room holds the surplus of "The Nietzschian Philosophy and it's relevance to the Lost Tribes of Patagonia with special reference to the 1904 Earthquakes". Published by Gyronny Books 1978. 232pp. £89.99.
Marketing held a special meeting in the Hospitality Suite of The Slaughterman's Arms to discuss this proposed volume and after deliberating for several days decided this would be a best seller. A very large print run was ordered but strangely failed to hit the charts.
.
Returns room.
It was some years before the Personnel manager, Colonel Muncher discovered that Returns was also part of the Stock Room department and they had walked out with the Stock Room employees. The same problems apply here as in the Stock Room section above. No solution has yet been found, possibly because that would involve blame of some sort and nobody wants to point the finger at a non executive member of the Board of Directors, a very overbearing and self important man.*
* Allegedly
It was some years before the Personnel manager, Colonel Muncher discovered that Returns was also part of the Stock Room department and they had walked out with the Stock Room employees. The same problems apply here as in the Stock Room section above. No solution has yet been found, possibly because that would involve blame of some sort and nobody wants to point the finger at a non executive member of the Board of Directors, a very overbearing and self important man.*
* Allegedly
Book Binding Department
Apart from the shop manager little is known of the workforce, possibly aquired from the local workhouse. Their origins in Gyronny Books is lost in the mists of time. (or according to department rumour a pact with the devil)
Manager Jameson Malplaquet is one of the longer serving members of our proud company. He is one of only three survivors of the Easter purge of 1946 when the company was taken over by returning war veterans in a (generally) bloodless coup. The other survivors are our beloved MD and Violet Pin. Lately as social conditions has become such a fashionable movement there has been talk of supplying chairs. This is fiercely opposed by Jameson who maintains that giving one benefit will result in an outcry for more and probably ruin the Company. Besides there are plenty more urchins eager to work for us.
The sewing machine on the left has an interesting history. It is known as Beelzebub's Treadmill since a rebellious lad from Chipping Ongar managed to sew himself into a book of fairy tales and could not be extricated. The book was remaindered, no information on the lad survives. The machine has not been used since and serves as a reminder to the workforce that conformity and obedience are safest and hand sewing is less dangerous (and cheaper.)
Apart from the shop manager little is known of the workforce, possibly aquired from the local workhouse. Their origins in Gyronny Books is lost in the mists of time. (or according to department rumour a pact with the devil)
Manager Jameson Malplaquet is one of the longer serving members of our proud company. He is one of only three survivors of the Easter purge of 1946 when the company was taken over by returning war veterans in a (generally) bloodless coup. The other survivors are our beloved MD and Violet Pin. Lately as social conditions has become such a fashionable movement there has been talk of supplying chairs. This is fiercely opposed by Jameson who maintains that giving one benefit will result in an outcry for more and probably ruin the Company. Besides there are plenty more urchins eager to work for us.
The sewing machine on the left has an interesting history. It is known as Beelzebub's Treadmill since a rebellious lad from Chipping Ongar managed to sew himself into a book of fairy tales and could not be extricated. The book was remaindered, no information on the lad survives. The machine has not been used since and serves as a reminder to the workforce that conformity and obedience are safest and hand sewing is less dangerous (and cheaper.)
Accounts Department.
Violet Pin, Head of Accounts is seen at the front left. Norman Sea-Wall, accounts shop floor manager is third from left.
There have been constant rumours about the relationship between Mrs Pin and Norman based mainly on the way they tie their cravats in the same knot which is considered to be in the secret language of neckwear similar to the language of flowers and jewellery.This rumour* seems to have originated in the paper preparation room where the entire workforce are aficionados of Gyronny Books Bodice Ripper imprint.
Mrs. Mugglins the tea lady, widely held** to be the most important member of Accounts department can be seen at the right.
* And many others
** By herself.
Violet Pin, Head of Accounts is seen at the front left. Norman Sea-Wall, accounts shop floor manager is third from left.
There have been constant rumours about the relationship between Mrs Pin and Norman based mainly on the way they tie their cravats in the same knot which is considered to be in the secret language of neckwear similar to the language of flowers and jewellery.This rumour* seems to have originated in the paper preparation room where the entire workforce are aficionados of Gyronny Books Bodice Ripper imprint.
Mrs. Mugglins the tea lady, widely held** to be the most important member of Accounts department can be seen at the right.
* And many others
** By herself.
Paper Preparation Room.
Gyronny Books takes great pride in using the same paper making technique for the last 130 years. It is time consuming and costly but the quality is nearly superb. Well, pretty good mostly. Note the youth of the operatives, it's a physically demanding job and most employees burn out by the age of 24 and are transferred to other departments. The head of department Lucinda Prime-Mildew is shown front left She has won the position on merit and being the MD's niece has nothing to do with her promotion after only 6 weeks in the job. Note the Christmas paper being inspected in the middle distance.
Gladys Crumwall, immediately next to Lucinda is thought to be the origin of the rumour concerning Violet Pin and Norman-Sea Wall and has been banned from reading any more Romance books while on the premises. An injunction to forbid her reading Bodice Rippers at any time or place fell through. A new rumour has it that there will be a vacancy in the department very soon.
Gyronny Books takes great pride in using the same paper making technique for the last 130 years. It is time consuming and costly but the quality is nearly superb. Well, pretty good mostly. Note the youth of the operatives, it's a physically demanding job and most employees burn out by the age of 24 and are transferred to other departments. The head of department Lucinda Prime-Mildew is shown front left She has won the position on merit and being the MD's niece has nothing to do with her promotion after only 6 weeks in the job. Note the Christmas paper being inspected in the middle distance.
Gladys Crumwall, immediately next to Lucinda is thought to be the origin of the rumour concerning Violet Pin and Norman-Sea Wall and has been banned from reading any more Romance books while on the premises. An injunction to forbid her reading Bodice Rippers at any time or place fell through. A new rumour has it that there will be a vacancy in the department very soon.
Print Shop.
This is the heart of Gyronny Books, the next stop after leaving Paper Preparation. Books are hand printed on the original machinery installed in 1891. Front left is Shop Manager Melinda Prime-Mildew sister to Lucinda. Edna Quelch, machine lubricator is front right. Consuela Y'Arriba Arriba dos Cuatro-Ojos, International editions inspector can be seen mid right dressed in black, monitoring an edition of "Consumer Postal Voting in Rural and Suburban Galicia" printed in Esperanto. Note the short knout she is holding. We consider discipline a vital and important part of staff control. Indeed most of the board including Stanley go for a voluntary weekly light flogging in the Infirmary.*
*Generally on Friday evening. After hours. By invitation only. Light refreshments and drinks served.
This is the heart of Gyronny Books, the next stop after leaving Paper Preparation. Books are hand printed on the original machinery installed in 1891. Front left is Shop Manager Melinda Prime-Mildew sister to Lucinda. Edna Quelch, machine lubricator is front right. Consuela Y'Arriba Arriba dos Cuatro-Ojos, International editions inspector can be seen mid right dressed in black, monitoring an edition of "Consumer Postal Voting in Rural and Suburban Galicia" printed in Esperanto. Note the short knout she is holding. We consider discipline a vital and important part of staff control. Indeed most of the board including Stanley go for a voluntary weekly light flogging in the Infirmary.*
*Generally on Friday evening. After hours. By invitation only. Light refreshments and drinks served.
Internal Post room.
The busy post room boys (known as Terriers or maybe Terrors, nobody is quite sure) prepare for a gruelling day cheeking management and practising their wolf whistles.
L-R: Sydney Overshoe, Hoxton Voluminous, Edward Panoply, Theodore Bibulous, Albert Demagogue, Roger Random-Lea, Aristotle Archimedes, Barney Undercoat(foreman) and Ripley Bifold.
You'll have noticed a large proportion of out "Terriers" are of Greek descent, recruitment has traditionally been from Soho in London where our MD has several close friends whom he often visits to keep up with the latest trends in light flagellation. He regularly extends his philanthropy to the offspring of his friends and gives them a chance at a brighter future than scavenging round the back of fast food outlets.*
* Apart from those who already have a healthy business making sure no accidents befall the shopkeepers or their premises.
The busy post room boys (known as Terriers or maybe Terrors, nobody is quite sure) prepare for a gruelling day cheeking management and practising their wolf whistles.
L-R: Sydney Overshoe, Hoxton Voluminous, Edward Panoply, Theodore Bibulous, Albert Demagogue, Roger Random-Lea, Aristotle Archimedes, Barney Undercoat(foreman) and Ripley Bifold.
You'll have noticed a large proportion of out "Terriers" are of Greek descent, recruitment has traditionally been from Soho in London where our MD has several close friends whom he often visits to keep up with the latest trends in light flagellation. He regularly extends his philanthropy to the offspring of his friends and gives them a chance at a brighter future than scavenging round the back of fast food outlets.*
* Apart from those who already have a healthy business making sure no accidents befall the shopkeepers or their premises.
External mail Despatch Sorting Room.
Often orders exceed our capacity for speedy despatch. In these cases we can call on help from the nearby Territorial Army barracks and for a modest fee to the Minister for Home Defence secure the services of these stalwart chaps. Sergeant Major 'Steamer' Forthright can be seen supervising on the right. He's been very lucky for the last 3 years, never had his number come up for transfer to active service. He tells us he wants do his duty at the sharp end * but suspects his long experience in the active service allocation office has stopped this.The very nature of war and the attrition rate means we rarely get to know the names of these willing helpers.
* Army slang for mass slaughter of some foreign chaps.
Often orders exceed our capacity for speedy despatch. In these cases we can call on help from the nearby Territorial Army barracks and for a modest fee to the Minister for Home Defence secure the services of these stalwart chaps. Sergeant Major 'Steamer' Forthright can be seen supervising on the right. He's been very lucky for the last 3 years, never had his number come up for transfer to active service. He tells us he wants do his duty at the sharp end * but suspects his long experience in the active service allocation office has stopped this.The very nature of war and the attrition rate means we rarely get to know the names of these willing helpers.
* Army slang for mass slaughter of some foreign chaps.
An exciting new experiment in automated delivery was undertaken in the early 1990's. Known as MERDE.* it is seen here with it's inventor Nigel Parsonage. After an initial trial that lasted 3 days it was withdrawn. The 240,000 plus items of mail that were fed through it vanished without trace. In an attempt to recuperate some of the £3,000,000 development costs the machine was renamed** GRABWR and and repurposed as cleaning equipment and is currently being used by Prydrynn Parks and Gardens Department. In it's new role it requires a team of 6 operatives and daily servicing.
Prydrynn Council is currently suing Gyronny Books.
*Mobile Electric Redistribution Direct Equipment.
**Garden Rubbish And Bulk Waste Remover
Prydrynn Council is currently suing Gyronny Books.
*Mobile Electric Redistribution Direct Equipment.
**Garden Rubbish And Bulk Waste Remover