Closing down temporarily. I'll be away for a few weeks.
Gyronny Books Staff
Ethelred Wincanton Strawpuddle Milwall. The heir to Gyronny Books and his fiancee Minnie Pin, daughter of Violet.
Ethelred is a non executive board member and has a blunt forthright manner* which will stand him in good stead when he eventually takes up the reins of management. Currently he spends most of his time being seen at Ascot, other racecourses, Henley week, polo, nightclubs and the Ritz.
Minnie was training to be an accountant but was found to be mathematically challenged. She took to drink, sloth and mild dissolution.
Strangely, the couple never met at Gyronny Books but outside Buckingham Palace after separately being thrown out of a Garden Party for displaying appalling bad manners. Minnie had helped herself to the drink of a Very Senior Royal Person and Ethelred blundered into Lady Chivington Manners knocking her to the floor.
They considered each other and decided the Ritz was the only place to go. Imagine their surprise when in the course of a long afternoon of consuming increasingly weirdly named cocktails** they discovered their mutual backgrounds. It was love at (almost) first sight.
*It's my fathers company and one day it will be mine, so you'd better do as I tell you.
** A Whiff of Armpit - Against the Cookhouse Door - A Long and Complex Finish - and Watching the Stars Shine etc.
Board Members
L-R Joseph Uppenovar - Lancelot Fondler* - Percy Trembler** - Sir Wilfred Chutney & Conrad Breeches.
*Seconded to the board by Joseph Uppenovar as his PA and elected by a secret ballot.
**This was shortly followed by Conrad Breeches doing the same for Percy Trembler.
L-R Joseph Uppenovar - Lancelot Fondler* - Percy Trembler** - Sir Wilfred Chutney & Conrad Breeches.
*Seconded to the board by Joseph Uppenovar as his PA and elected by a secret ballot.
**This was shortly followed by Conrad Breeches doing the same for Percy Trembler.
Esme Spasm. BA(hons) PHD BSc MA
PA to the MD.
Esme reports only to our MD and her duties include dusting the books in his personal collection of erotica, plumping the cushions and serving him a large brandy after a day at the office. Seen here wearing a practical housecoat ready for a spot of dusting.
PA to the MD.
Esme reports only to our MD and her duties include dusting the books in his personal collection of erotica, plumping the cushions and serving him a large brandy after a day at the office. Seen here wearing a practical housecoat ready for a spot of dusting.
Colonel Muncher. KoS (Knight of the Order of the Shrew. Pitcairn Island)
Personnel Manager.
After a distinguished career in the military, mostly serving abroad advising foreign governments* Colonel Muncher retired and was snapped up by our Board of Directors to fill the position of Personnel Manager.** He has brought a much needed discipline to the role and has had several clashes with the out of control print unions, most of which are not available for discussion on a public forum.***
*The persistent rumour that HM Government and the Army Board could find no suitable position fo him due to his quarrelsome nature is completely unfounded.
** His relationship to Lady Milwall was considered to be irrelevant, he won the position on merit.
*** Several restraining orders and injunctions are still in place.
Personnel Manager.
After a distinguished career in the military, mostly serving abroad advising foreign governments* Colonel Muncher retired and was snapped up by our Board of Directors to fill the position of Personnel Manager.** He has brought a much needed discipline to the role and has had several clashes with the out of control print unions, most of which are not available for discussion on a public forum.***
*The persistent rumour that HM Government and the Army Board could find no suitable position fo him due to his quarrelsome nature is completely unfounded.
** His relationship to Lady Milwall was considered to be irrelevant, he won the position on merit.
*** Several restraining orders and injunctions are still in place.
Consuela Y'Arriba Arriba dos Cuatro-Ojos. International Editions Quality Control Inspector, another close friend of our MD Stanley.
Violet Pin
Accounts Manager.
A much valued member of staff. We were extremely lucky when she resigned as Abbess of the Convent of St. Beryl to seek wider experience. Her skills at using small amounts of money* wisely were perfect for the position and she secured it thanks to her older sister Esme Spasm.
*The convent was notoriously underfunded and Ms. Pin found a way of mostly legally using the Bishop's Entertainment fund to include feeding and easing the conditions of the thirty six remaining Sisters of St. Beryl.
Accounts Manager.
A much valued member of staff. We were extremely lucky when she resigned as Abbess of the Convent of St. Beryl to seek wider experience. Her skills at using small amounts of money* wisely were perfect for the position and she secured it thanks to her older sister Esme Spasm.
*The convent was notoriously underfunded and Ms. Pin found a way of mostly legally using the Bishop's Entertainment fund to include feeding and easing the conditions of the thirty six remaining Sisters of St. Beryl.
Marketing Team 1977. Slaughterman's Arms Hospitality Suite. The meeting for the Nietzsche book mentioned earlier. L to R. Arnold Stourbridge, Percy Gripping, Unknown, thought to be someone who had joined the wrong meeting, Frederick Trump, Wilson Kettle, Lucifer Cadaver, Aubrey Winsome.
* It has been suggested that the unknown person, who bought several rounds, was in fact a director of Slithey Books, one of Gyronny's main competitors at the time.
* It has been suggested that the unknown person, who bought several rounds, was in fact a director of Slithey Books, one of Gyronny's main competitors at the time.
Sales Team
L-R. Harry Uppenanovar*, Wilfred Chirp & Ron Dooronderonderon-Day
Rarely seen at HQ these days they spend most of their time touring the UK placing books with various outlets.
An unsubstantiated rumour claims they were banished from the premises after a high number of pregnancies in the Paper Preparation Room
* No relation to Joseph Uppenovar.
L-R. Harry Uppenanovar*, Wilfred Chirp & Ron Dooronderonderon-Day
Rarely seen at HQ these days they spend most of their time touring the UK placing books with various outlets.
An unsubstantiated rumour claims they were banished from the premises after a high number of pregnancies in the Paper Preparation Room
* No relation to Joseph Uppenovar.
The trio after 4 years high pressure selling on the road and a diet of fast food. There is talk of allowing them back into HQ as it is highly unlikely that with their present condition and appearance the pregnancy rate will rise.
Sydney 'Wingnut' Tolpuddle, the pride of the Postal Department works exclusively for our MD and is seen here on an important delivery to his PA, Miss Esme Spasm. Miss Spasm is often called in at weekends and after hours to assist our MD and it was felt a dedicated mesenger service was a neccessary expense.
Sydney built his machine over 3 years in his spare time and has achieved speeds of 37 mph on two occasions.
Sydney built his machine over 3 years in his spare time and has achieved speeds of 37 mph on two occasions.